You've Lost That Loving Feeling

The Righteous Brothers

I know all too well what my mom talked about..."I wish I had taken some time to meet more people when I single and not settled." while I don't feel I settled, I do feel taken for granted. Which is irksome because no matter how I tell him this, he doesn't seem to get it. It's so frustrating to think that only ONE man finds you attractive, and even HE doesn't tell you he thinks this! It's depressing and makes me not want to care about loosing more weight...just sit in my room, light off, and cry. I know that's the self-pity talking, but it's tempting. I've always had attractions to guys who had absolutely no interest in me, I would set myself up for heart-ache because I thought that's what was supposed to happen to me--since I was never the one who was the "pretty sister" (that was always Rachel or Tia, and now Heather). Guys didn't whistle at me, unless my sisters where with me, and even then it wasn't directed at me. The most I overheard was outside a Chuck E. Cheese in WI where a young black man said something about me being "thick" and when I turned to look who was talking he and his friends walked faster inside, probably embaressed I had heard them. I just get so mad at myself for letting my weight get the better of me the past several years. I was doing so awesome...before I got pregnant...now...god I feel like I have the boy of a 50yr old some times with all my aches and pains! I know 90% of it is the extra weight, and it's causing me more then just physical stress, but the emotional stress too *sigh*

I find myself not wanting to be touched more and more because I feel so used up. I've tried to explain this to him too, but it seems to turn around to somehow he's inadiquate, when it's not the case at all, and then we both get mad and I start to cry and can't get any more words out...such is the reality of being married right now...and all I want is to go back 4 years...and start over! I'm so disappointed with myself and the choices I made, or let others make for me! Things could've been so different!

All I can do now is take up where I am now and move forward, trying to make those little choices count towards a greater, bigger, goal now. It's very hard to let go, but it will get easier with time.

Seriously?! Could 80% of the people I know BE more thin-skinned?!

Oh...my...GOSH!!! Why do I know some many stinking thin-skinned people?! What happened that I ended up surrounding myself with these immature, easily offended, grudge-holding, BIG-BABIES?! I sent out this text this evening, it was joke/spam that tells you to call the sender at a certain # because their battery is low. When you call it, it turns out to be a silly Santa message, well not only did 80% of the people I sent it to not even know who I WAS (which is another thing that cheeses me off!) but they didn't even get it! The 5 people who did were mildly amused, but one got all snippy with me and I'm just so angry! Is it worth being a totally ass to send some rude text back about a joke?! Is life so serious you can't just laugh a bit and take it with a grain-of-salt?! GAWD! What I really want to do is call them up and yell at them for being such a jack-ass and trying to make ME feel like an incondsiderat jerk--which I am not! Life doesn't have to be so flippin serious! Being busy is part of the moment-to-moment drama of life...DEAL WITH IT! I'm seriously considering cutting ties with some of these people. They seem to always assume the worst of me, my son, and my husband. So why do I bother keeping in touch? Well I've known them for 12 years so it's kind of hard not to say hi every once in a while...but...come to think of it, they never made efforts to talk to me--unless I was in a situation that helped THEM get something they wanted. Yeah...I think this is the end. Adios annoying people! You can't miss what you never really wanted around in the first place!