Stressful

Yeah, that word would probably be the best description of the past month! I'm so sick of scraping by and having $200 make-or-break us financially! I'm tired of family not supporting us in our business and going to other people. I'm so sick of feeling like a failure! I'm sick of being disgustingly fat! I'm so tired of being treated as second rate and not going anywhere--save in CIRCLES--in this life. I hate myself for wishing I was single/childless still...and still the idea makes me wonder what things would've been like had life not taken the turns they did. I don't believe I would have the love in my life I do, and I wouldn't trade my son for a dozen girls--regardless of how much less attention he gets over his girl cousins. I just want to curl up and cry until my head explodes...but I know what wouldn't help anything! I don't even know how to get my marriage on track. I feel so...empty...so angry...so lost. It's so frustrating to be in this marriage some times...and yet I wouldn't leave it for anything. I need things to start getting better...there HAS to be an up turn...there HAS TO BE....